Up to date

No way! Has been ages since i have written a blog, and so much has happened since September that I hardly know where to begin.
Today was the best though, a lazy sleeping, lazy breakfast, lazy lunch. A lazy nap, some home baking and then a fab roast pork belly dinner cooked by the amazing mr s.

2011 has been nuts so far. We sat and wrote our goals for the year, and so far so good, there are only like 2 left... get pregnant and ...
Mmm...
Who do I want to be this year? It's a bit of a big philosophical question. What are the things that I admire in other people? The ability to be able to talk to and relate to anyone/everyone, to ignore and overcome the borders that divide. To have a generousity of spirit, and an ability to love, act in love and decide to love...
To be strong. To be true. To be whole hearted in everything I do.
Mmm.
Mmm
MMM.

I am not, I am

Somehow, in the everyday-ish-ness of it all I seem to unconciously reconcile all the things I am not. Everywhere you look, there seems to be a mark against which you might measure yourself, and in my humanity find lack.
I am not.
I am.

So.
I am not willowey, amazonian, petitte. I am tall, curvey, curley.
I am not fashionable, chic, smooth. I love, am quirky, assured.
I am not manicured, peticured, made up. I am natural, glowing, fresh
I am not old, young, wizened. I am willing, able, eager

To know your lack and decide on the materiality of it. To place it into perspective, and give honest consideration to those that are certainly real shortcomings. How does one honestly look in the mirrror, seeing past the initial distortions and self doubt, to truely know and see and feel and change.

So perhaps I ask, who is it that I wish to be, considering what I am.
To love with true love, to be patient, kind, gentle, truthful and honest, all the things we feel a moral obligation to be. To be bright and cheerful, alive and full of the vivacity that is life? To know what it is to cry, to sob, to mourn, and to know joy, cheer, laughter and love.
To not shy away from that which may be painful, to not take offence. To beleive the very best of everyone, the to encourage and motivate them to be the best they can be.

So in asking all this, is it too much to aspire to?

Many people want to live with no regrets. What does that mean? For myself, I do not care for it. I want to live from my heart.

N.

Back to it...

Dear Glob. Why is it that when you really need some good ole fashioned stickability it seems to be no-where to be found.
I find myself crowded by the goings on of late. Lots of things, lots of pressure, not enough ... not enough...
So perhaps if I enlist the help of a good ole fashioned list I can perhaps sort through some of the clutter in my brain.

Number 1. Uni. Due 30th September. Presentation of Article Critique and Research Proposal.
Number 2. NZICA. Due 4-5 October.
Number 3. Moving. Due 14th November
Number 4. Holiday. 12-22 November to Brissy.
Number 5. Dinner
Number 6. Passports
Number 7. Gym.
Number 8. Weightwatching
Number 9. Christmas
Number 10. Wedding, February, budget.
Number 11. Sydney Trip
Number 12. Birthday dinners (Raewyn and Albert)
Number 13. Lola and Penny to the cattery in November
Number 14. Moving truck
Number 15. Packing and logistics
Number 16. Uni Assignment (5th Nov).

Ok. so that wasn't so hard, and is not in order. Where do I want my priority to be?
1. Me. Weightwatchers. Gym.
2. Uni crap and NZICA
3. Moving shit
4. Everything else

I hate when life is this crazy, sometimes the slower same old same old is nice.
N.

Belt me up Scotty!

So, off to the mall i go in search of a belt for the purely functional purpose of holding these jeans up on my hips. Where they should be!
I have purchased. It is soft leather, black. Biggish shiny oval buckle, fitting neatly around my waist. Unfortunately Max also had an extra 25% off their sale Items, and so ... how could I resist?
Anyway. Home again Sam, and I sit here satisfied that the seemingly expensive $80 is a wise investment. I have concluded a "try on everything in the wardrobe" session to see how I can make the most of it, and found that my new belt goes with every thing, and wearing it transforms some of the more shapeless items in my wardrobe in to ... well, you can tell i have a waist, and I look fab.

I can say I have never bought a belt until now. What have I been doing all this time? Well, mostly my waist was expanding so loose pants has never been a real problem until now. But if i have anything else to say it is this ... I love my belt.

Can't wait until I next go to the mall, I have my eyes on another ... one of those elastic-ey ones.
Yep.

Lola Belle

This is Lola.

This is Lola. She is my Tonkinese baby. Asleep on my lap as I type. She is obsessed by... me. Follows me everywhere, and is always wanting to be a part of whatever it is I am up to.

Those blue eyes gaze at you quizzically. Slightly surely cross-eyed...

So cute!

Highlights of the week

Has been such a week I thought I would share the highs n lows and cos I love a good list here we go:
(in no particular order)

THE GOOD

1. Morphine. Need I explain further?

2. Boysenberry shortbread and long black coffee(s) enjoyed whilst leisurely drooling through the latest issue of cuisine and trying to find the energy to walk home ... ended up in a taxi ...

3. Taxi driver. Figured out I was wasted and bought in the groceries to the front door. Good on you Mr. Co-op taxi-man.

4. Picnic in bed. Mmm

5. True blood in bed

6. Chocolate ... In bed

7. Boobies

8. Lola cuddles. Craziest cat I ever knew but so cute!

9. Cate Owen

10. So much farmville...

11. Loosing 2.6kgs in 4 days!!! That can't be good right? My jeans are falling down!

THE BAD

1. So tired ... So so wasted. Wee walk to the doctor and that's me done for the day! Dude!

2. Lola

3. So much farmville...

4. Being hungry and nauseous at the same time ... Thinking that food will help ... It didn't!

5. Not going to work. Having work withdrawal symptoms. Home alone is boring people!

THE UGLY

Sooo... I have been watching with general amusement a situation between friends that is a bit like a car wreck! Horrid and oddly fascinating!!!

Rachel posted the below on her Facebook... and oh oh oh how I want to add my 2 cents and can't!
I will post to you dear glob... KARMA ... will bite you in the arse in the end!

Happy Happy Happy

Dear Glob. Here is a question for you!
What is the key to happiness?
Lets google it:

1. Learn to bring all learning back to yourself and not point the finger at others.
2. The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. - Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lamat
3. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. - Abraham Lincoln
4. The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart. - Thich Nhat Hanh

Thoughts so far?
I like the point about fingers. It reminds me that if you're going to point your finger at someone else, you need to sort out your own shit first. I like the second point too, but not much more to say on that.
Ah, I like the philosopy of point three, happiness is not dependant on the crap that flies your way, it's a mindset and an exercise of self control.
Point 4? Freedom (as in Mel Gibson Braveheart)! I wonder that if you are continually pointing your finger at others, you bind yourself in knots of all the things that are wrong in the world... freedom, flip the coin. I agree.

So I was reading further, and http://www.grandtimes.com/happiness.html outlines the 5 helpful hints to happiness.
NUMBER ONE. Let go of old baggage.
NUMBER TWO. Live without regrets
NUMBER THREE. Live in the present
NUMBER FOUR. Everything in life is a teacher
NUMBER FIVE. No one has faults

Wise words.
So why do I write a blog?

This week I was chilling with one of my mates, and about mid way through the evening, I just realised that for all the bravado, my mate is not happy. It breaks my heart a little on the inside, especially because I wholeheartedly beleive that life is what we make of it, and that we have a choice in how we respond to people and circumstances. If you are miserable, it is your choice to be so.

With all my heart i am grateful because I have that happiness. You have a shit day, you have a shite week, but all in all I feel full and happy.

N.