HOLY CRAP-POLI!

Ok. On the 19th October 2009 I joined weight watchers. I have lost 35kgs. I am now over 40kgs lighter than my heaviest.
As at the scales this morning, I currently weigh 95 kgs. You do the math.

I had a conversation this morning at work with Anna. We talked about how when you look in the mirror you seldom see what is really there, but instead you have an image in your minds eye that you project onto the version looking back at you, and that's what you see. Throughout this journey the weirdest and at times hardest thing to adjust to is trying to really see what is in the mirror, and allowing my minds eye to make that adjustment.
Here is what I mean.
This is me. April-ish 2009. Before I began this shrinking violet journey...

I would like to point out that in this photo I felt slim. I honestly thought that I looked about 25-30kilos lighter than I do here. I only just found this, I went searching for an old photo, mainly because I was curious of whether how I thought I used to look really marries up to the old real me... if you get my drift.

My latest post on facebook has this photo of me.

It's the same problem, but in complete reverse. In my head I am much larger than this photo makes me out to be. It's an interesting predicament to say the least.

That's all for now
Hi Bron!

N.

Hungry

I live to eat. Simple but true. Eating makes me feel contented, loved, warm and satisfied. Even when I am not hungry I think about ... food.
No wonder I tipped the scales at 135.5kgs, wheezed like an old man when I had to climb a hill, and shamefully purchased size 24 clothes!

Shamefully? Really? A strong word that is bound to upset some but yes it's the truth.

Now I have lost nearly 40kgs. I literally look and feel different. But I still struggle with the want to eat even though I am not hungry and know that it means an extra half hour or so on the treadmill at the gym.
What is with that need, craving, (almost) uncontrollable desire to taste, enjoy, chew, swallow and the need for the satisfaction that seems to go hand in hand with it? Why is a simple filling healthy lunch not enough! What is it I really want? Why?

I weigh 97kg. Am a slenderer size 14, am fit and healthy and a world apart from the frumpy grumpy morbidly obese person I was but the issue has not gone. Simply taken another form.

If I ever find an answer to this, dear glob I will fill you in I promise.

Xxx
N.

Vampires

What is it with our fascination with these blood sucking creatures of our imagination! They have had a revival of sorts, transformed from cretinous blood sucking villains to innocent and somewhat insipid Demi-gods (twilight) or to brazen idols of all things sexual and sensuous (True Blood) and we lap it all up asking "please sir can I have some more?".

I believe the attraction and obsession is a natural consequence of the image people have of life and the circumstances they fall victim to. How do you perceive yourself and the world you call your own? How is it that the illusion portrayed in all these vampire diaries ring something true in out hearts? The old story of the hero sweeping the damsel off her feet is replayed with a new set of rules that somehow communicate we are no longer good enough, sexy enough or beautiful as we are, but require transformation to be truely accepted.

This is the secret dream or fear of everyones heart. That they do not measure up and vampirism is projected as the ultimate quick fix. Interesting concept really!

Unconditional love is hinted at in some cases but ultimately undermined.

Happiness ultimately becomes the product of circumstance, a somewhat offensive theory as we often have no control of circumstances, but we are very much responsible for our own happiness.

Hmmm...
It's a thought or three that's for sure!

Smite that skiter!

Don't you hate it when someone come over to your desk at work simply with the intent to fill you in on how incredibly awesome they are and how incredibly fantastic their latest feat is? Or. Do you celebrate in their glory! For most of us i think it's a little from column a a little from column b!

I must admit I am one if those people that share the love regarding my latest accomplishments and enjoy making everyone else excited about relatively trivial things!

Dear blog am I one of those annoying people? I get genuinely excited and just love nothing better than sharing it around. If I was annoying people would stop asking me leading questions right?

Mmm.

Motivation Motivati... Motiva...

Do you have any goals? Work goals? Personal goals? Fitness goals?
Right, so what happens then when you hit a roadblock?

I hadn't thought much about it of late. I guess I have really been too busy being busy... and busy feeling frustrated at those roadblocks, but lacking the vision to clearly see a way around them or through them.

And then, sometimes I also think that you can get so focused on the goal and on the road to that goal, that when that roadblock mysteriously appears in front of you, it's fricking huge and impossible, and you feel like you are kicking against a brick wall, nothing moves and you get a flipping sore foot for your efforts.

There is value in taking a step back and seeing that frustration for what it is. A delay or a detour, a bend in the road that is negotiable... putting it into perspective, taking a chill pill... taking positive ACTION to either blow that roadblock to pieces, or slip around it is the needed panacea to save you from heartache and frustration.

All this hypothetical talk... well, I have been finding the fitness and weight loss goals I have very demotivating and frustrating, and I was thinking today WHAT IS GOING ON HERE! I have done SO WELL... 35.5 kgs gone forever and I am the fittest I have been ... like ever. And yet I feel like I have stalled and am slipping back out of control. So what gives?
Well, the roadblock for me at the moment is time and stress. My solution to the problem is to get a personal trainer, i need some added oompf and some keys on how to manage my journey so there is still time in the day for my husband, my family and friends, study and work.

Just a lil' thought.
N.

Orange and Date Muffins

Zest of 1 orange (I used lemon zest)
Flesh of 1 orange (pith removed as much as you can) (I used 4 mandarins)
1/2 cup tightly packed dates
1 egg
75g butter, melted and cooled
1 banana mashed
1/2 cup sugar
1tsp baking soda
1tsp baking powder
2 cups flour
Milk



Zest the orange, then with sharp knife remove was much pith from the orange as you can. Chop roughly, then put orange, orange zest, sugar, egg and butter into the food processor and give it a good blat.

Put the dates in the microwave on high for 20 seconds to soften them up, add to the food processor with the banana and give em another good blat to chop em up.

Pour the mix into a big bowl. Sift on top the flour, baking soda and baking powder. Add about 1/4 cup of milk and fold gently to combine.

You will need to add more milk, but will depend on how juicy your orange was. The mixture at the end should be very wet, but not runny.

Into muffin tins and into the oven for about 10-15mins (test with skewer).

I made 20 small muffins at 2 pts per muffin.

They are DELICIOUS!

Chicken Casserole

Along with soup, chicken casserole is something I have not often done, and feel rather reluctant to make. Was at the supermarket this morning, and chicken was cheap as chips, so home I come with some, ready to cook cook cook.
So,
Into the slowcooker:
500g boneless skinless chicken thigh cutlet. Chopped roughly, browned in hot pan.
1 Potato cut to 2cm chunks
1 large-ish kumera into 2 cm chunks
5 smallish carrots into chunks
1 Red Onion - browned in hot pan
1 cup red wine (Wolf Blass Yellow label shiraz... mmm delish)
1 can watties tomatos with sweet basil
1.5 cup veg stock
1/8 cup sweet chilli sauce
Paprika
Thyme
Salt
Pepper
5 hours later.
It is DELISH! Yummo! All that.

Other than a chicken casserole, not a lot has been happening. I have uni assignment(s) to finish by Tuesday, but sitting here feeling VERY sleepy and ready for a nap to be fair. It's 7.03pm
I have procrastinated all day, a little disappointed with myself for it, but happy that the house is clean and tidy, there are freshly baked muffins in the pantry, and that dinner was so healthy and Delicious.
Mmm.
Fox arrived yesterday. This means DH is out drinking up a storm, and will stumble home drunk as a skunk at some part of the evening, at this rate LONG after I have disappeared off to bed.
It's cold.
Heater is on, and i am still cold. Need to find slippers and a jumper. Silly me.

Not a very exciting blog. I really must find some new photos to pop on here.
N.